Joe Kerouac – Lighter Side of Real Estate https://lightersideofrealestate.com An Escape from Your Daily Real Estate Hustle Fri, 01 Apr 2022 18:13:20 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.1 /wp-content/uploads/2021/04/cropped-logo-5-32x32.png Joe Kerouac – Lighter Side of Real Estate https://lightersideofrealestate.com 32 32 10 Unexpected Feelings You Deal With When Buying A House https://lightersideofrealestate.com/humor/10-unexpected-feelings-deal-buying-house Fri, 05 Dec 2014 20:09:18 +0000 https://lightersideofrealestate.com/?p=2583 1. Feeling like the perfect home is just out of reach. It doesn’t matter how much you can afford to spend… it’ll feel like if you could just afford a little bit more, you’d be totally happy with the choices. Don’t sweat it. It’s not really true. Stick to your budget and pick the best […]

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1. Feeling like the perfect home is just out of reach.

It doesn’t matter how much you can afford to spend… it’ll feel like if you could just afford a little bit more, you’d be totally happy with the choices.

Don’t sweat it. It’s not really true. Stick to your budget and pick the best house you can for the amount you can spend. Even buyers in the millions go through these same feelings.

A good trick is to set your price limit lower than you can actually afford. Then, when you do start feeling this way, you can satisfy that feeling while still staying within your limits.


2. Feeling like you’re going to get fired from your job.

You’re going to be obsessed with looking at houses online. This will seriously impact how much you get done at work. You’ll feel worried, but that won’t stop you. But you most likely need your job in order to buy a house.

My advice? Get really good at sensing when your boss is coming so you can switch screens.


3. Feeling like a ninja.

Sensing your boss will make you a master of sneaking peeks at houses online. It’s inevitable. All serious home-buyers do.

This skill will make you feel invincible. Like you’ll never get caught. So you’ll get bolder…

…and at some point, a house will come on when you least expect it. It’ll look perfect. You’re not gonna want to miss out on it. So you’ll sneak out of work to go see it.


4. Feeling like you’re back in gym class.

Remember not being chosen for one of the teams until last in gym class? (For the record, I don’t remember that feeling either… but we all know what it could’ve felt like.)

Doesn’t seem to matter how slow the market is. The minute you find a house you love, there will be like 5 other buyers putting offers in on it.

As long as a house is priced appropriately to the market, there’s just a good chance you will end up competing against other buyers. Doesn’t matter how good you were at dodgeball, my friend. There’s a good chance you will end up feeling like “that kid” did in gym class back in the day.


5. Feeling like you’ve aged overnight.

There’s a lot of “hurry up and wait” in the sales process. Things often take longer than you expect. Especially if you go after a short sale. Lots of buyers and agents avoid these. And for good reason (because “short” sales are not short). They take forevvvvver.

Just know that short sales are not necessarily better deals. But they’d better be because you’ll pay a premium for the deal in terms of time and patience.


6. Feeling sorry and / or guilty…

Buyers are often surprised by some of the feelings they go through in terms of dealing with agents.

Sometimes people feel sorry for taking too long to find and buy a house.

Sometimes it’s for ending up not buying a house at all after the agent spent tons of time showing houses to you.

Often it’s for not using an agent you know, whether it’s family, friend, or just someone you know around town.

All of these things happen. It’s an unfortunate truth and reality for so many agents. Most agents get used to it and know how to deal with the pains and frustrations. But sometimes it hurts relationships.


7. Feeling like a rockstar.

You find your house. You get your offer accepted. You are finally at the closing table…

Everyone in the room has their eyes on you. People keep pushing papers in front of you. They want your autograph…or at least that’s how you should look at it.

Everyone always talks about having to sign your name so many times as torture. Like it’s so hard to sign a bunch of papers. OK, fine, you may get carpal tunnel syndrome, but you may as well put the positive spin on the whole thing.

This one is more of a suggestion. Be like Harry Styles and smile as everyone in the room is just dying for your signature. Probably the closest to being a rock star you may ever get. If not, you should see if Yo MTV Cribs is coming back and sign up to show people where the magic happens.


8. Feeling shock.

Even if you got a good deal on a house, it’s often shocking how much the mortgage will actually cost you over the life of the loan. Not the monthly payment, but how much you pay total, say over 30 years with interest.

Sure, you get told ahead of time. It’s in some disclosure or another. But man, it becomes real at the closing table when someone is making sure you see it and sign that you saw it.

That’s financing. Sometimes it makes sense to use other people’s money. Sometimes it makes sense to use it and pay it off as quickly as possible. Sometimes it makes sense to pay cash…if you got it. It all depends on who you are and what your situation is.

But if you borrow money, there is certainly a cost for that privilege…


9. Feeling heartbreak.

This is one buyers often do not expect…

Once you’ve found and closed on your house, you won’t see your real estate agent as much. So many times buyers and agents get pretty close.

You see each other often. You share tons of stuff together. You get used to seeing each other and the agent almost becomes like part of the family.

I know it may sound weird, but if you’ve been through it, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Y’know what!? You should give your agent a call right now and check in. Bet he or she would love to hear from you.


10. Feeling like you need to buy another house.

Hey, there’s no better way to get over that heartbreak than to get back in the saddle and go buy another house!

Investment property, anyone!?

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3 Tips From A Real Estate Agent On How To Avoid Disasters When Hosting Thanksgiving Dinner https://lightersideofrealestate.com/articles/3-tips-from-a-real-estate-agent-on-how-to-avoid-disasters-hosting-thanksgiving Tue, 25 Nov 2014 20:38:50 +0000 https://lightersideofrealestate.com/?p=2445 What bugs me most about so many of these types of articles is that the advice is all well and good… …if you’re Martha Stewart, have tons of time on your hands, and/or dough to blow. They paint calm pictures of hosting. Admirable? Yes. Achievable? Not likely. While researching for this piece, I came across […]

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3-tips-thanksgiving

What bugs me most about so many of these types of articles is that the advice is all well and good…

if you’re Martha Stewart, have tons of time on your hands, and/or dough to blow.

They paint calm pictures of hosting.

Admirable? Yes.

Achievable? Not likely.

While researching for this piece, I came across articles with some ludicrous “tips”.

One suggested switching out a mere ceiling mounted light fixture in your guestroom to a ceiling fan / light combo. This is so your overnight guest can control their own comfort. Seriously!?

Fact is, many people are tight on time and money. So I wanted to get into some tips that are equally ludicrous, but are things you can actually achieve, in less time, with less money, and can be applied by the most frugal, as well as the wealthiest of the bunch.

So let’s start with the easiest way to avoid a hosting disaster altogether…

Buy a house without a dining room

One article suggested buying a bigger house with a bigger dining room. Riiiiight. It’s that simple.

When you are hunting for houses, and you are working with a low budget, don’t bemoan the fact that every house is too small and doesn’t have a proper dining room. Rejoice.

No dining room? House is too small? You can’t host holiday dinners. Therefore, you cannot logically have a holiday hosting disaster. Crisis averted.

And for those of you with tons of money, you don’t have to spend every dime you have on a house. Buy a smaller house. Use said savings to rent nice hotel rooms not far from the relatives who host you at every holiday since your place is too small for you to play host. But make sure to bring an extra nice bottle of wine, a side dish, and a dessert. Otherwise you are a cheapskate…rather than financially strategic.

Turn the TV on

Don’t bother installing a sound system and pipe music throughout the house like some articles suggest. Impractical. Not gonna happen.

And even if you were inclined to, and had the money and time to get it installed, you would be forcing your guests to have conversation. Conversations lead to arguments.You can’t watch music.

Nothing helps people deal with small talk quite like the TV.

Guests can literally drink themselves into a stupor and zone out if they want to, or have “conversation” in short snippets about whatever comes onto the screen in front of them.

NOTE: Do NOT put on any real estate related shows. Given the number of licensed real estate agents in the country, you’re bound to have at least three in the house at even the smallest gathering. These reality shows aggravate real estate agents due to their lack of reality. Voiding these shows will help to avoid any nervous breakdowns or rants.

Just don’t invite Uncle “Fred”

One of the articles had a tip that recommended that you should stock your powder room with an array of candles, matches, scented sprays, a plunger, and a whole basket-full of toilet paper. “Just in case…”, they wrote.

Every one of you reading this is picturing whoever he (or she) is in your family that would create that “just in case” moment.

Whoever he (or she!) is in your family…that dude (or dudette) doesn’t respect the term powder room.

If it’s unavoidable and you absolutely have to invite “Fred”, consider renting a porta-potty. Make a small sign on the powder room door that says, “Out Of Order. Please use restroom in front yard.”

Have a great Thanksgiving!

And the minute you get all stressed out over this, that, or another thing…remember, there’s almost always a fun or funny angle to anything you have to deal with.

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Hitler Blows a Gasket After Learning the Truth About Zillow https://lightersideofrealestate.com/humor/hitler-blows-gasket-after-learning-about-zillow Mon, 24 Nov 2014 21:03:09 +0000 https://lightersideofrealestate.com/?p=2440 As a seller, it’s tempting to log into Zillow to determine your home’s value before selling. But as Hitler finds out in this parody video, Zillow is often inaccurate. Watch below to see why you should always trust your local real estate professional over Zillow. (3:59 video) Via Downfall

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As a seller, it’s tempting to log into Zillow to determine your home’s value before selling. But as Hitler finds out in this parody video, Zillow is often inaccurate. Watch below to see why you should always trust your local real estate professional over Zillow.

(3:59 video)

Via Downfall

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7 Horrifying Fears Every Real Estate Agent Can Relate With https://lightersideofrealestate.com/articles/7-horrifying-fears-every-real-estate-agent-can-relate Thu, 20 Nov 2014 21:57:18 +0000 https://lightersideofrealestate.com/?p=2376 Sometimes there is a very fine line between what a real estate agent hopes and fears. #1 The Hope: What agents hope their open house will look like. via Gerry Bailey The Fear: What an open house can end up looking like. via apocalypstick.com #2 The Hope: Making good money as a real estate agent…or […]

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Sometimes there is a very fine line between what a real estate agent hopes and fears.

#1

The Hope: What agents hope their open house will look like.

1a-crowd

via Gerry Bailey

The Fear: What an open house can end up looking like.

1b-im-so-bored-gif

via apocalypstick.com

#2

The Hope: Making good money as a real estate agent…or at least make a living doing it.

2a-coupons

via giphy.com

The Fear: Barely making enough money to even own a home, let alone sell one.

2b-no-money

via doortoprocrastination

#3

The Hope: Being too busy all day to even check Facebook.

3a-multitask

via giphy.com

The Fear: Getting caught on Facebook…playing Candy Crush…like every hour of the day.

3b-candy-crush

via officialpsy

#4

The Hope: Showing houses that the seller obviously cares about the fact that you are bringing buyers to see their home.

4a-cleaning

via mostlymellen

The Fear: Showing houses that make you wonder if the seller even remembers their house is on the market…

4b-snow-white-dust

via The Writers Republic

#5

The Hope: Having leisurely networking lunches with colleagues or past clients, working on deals and developing new business.

5a-lunch-friend

Warner Bros. | via youtube.com

The Fear: Eating alone. In the car. While catching up on e-mail. Again.

5b-lunch-car

via firsttimedriver.com

#6

The Hope: Going to closings where the seller and buyer are both happy and smiling.

6a-happy-hug

via funnyordie.com

The Fear: Going to closings where the buyer and seller probably shouldn’t even be in the same building, let alone the same room.

6b-unhappy

via huffingtonpost.com

#7

The Hope: Being welcomed and respected by people as a professional with great thoughts, knowledge, and skills.

7a-thumbs-up

via giphy.com

The Fear: Being seen as some sort of a shady sales person.

7b-cigar

via mobstersinthenews

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6 Things All Real Estate Agents Hope You’ll Never Do At Their Open House https://lightersideofrealestate.com/articles/6-things-all-real-estate-agents-hope-you-never-do-at-their-open-house Sun, 16 Nov 2014 19:11:18 +0000 https://lightersideofrealestate.com/?p=2280 When you go to an open house, it really boils down to judging by appearances. You walk around. You look. But you don’t really take the house for a test drive of sorts. I mean, when you buy a car you’re certainly going to take it for a spin, right!? You’ll turn on the radio. […]

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6-things-open-house

When you go to an open house, it really boils down to judging by appearances. You walk around. You look. But you don’t really take the house for a test drive of sorts.

I mean, when you buy a car you’re certainly going to take it for a spin, right!? You’ll turn on the radio. Move the seats back and forth. You get the picture…

Not so with a house.

To get a true feel for what it would be like if you actually bought the house, it would help if you did these 6 things.


1. Don’t enter through the front door

Who actually gets home and goes in through the front door?

You should go in through the garage door, or whatever door the driveway leads from.

Front doors are for trick-or-treaters, guests who come over like once a year, and people who want you to buy something or join their religion.

Note: This would strike the agent holding the open house as odd at first. But given the above reasoning, it would make total sense why you did it.

2.Plop your mail on the kitchen counter

Seriously, bring it along with you in your back pocket or purse.

The goal is to envision that perfect spot for your mail bills to sit until you have to deal with ‘em.

Right away it’ll hit you… drop the pile you brought right there.

The current owner’s bills won’t be in the spot. They hide that stuff. Like it doesn’t exist.

But don’t be misled; their bills probably sit in the exact same spot on a daily basis. Every house has the bill pile. They’re just hiding it so the house looks good for the open house and people don’t think about real life.

It’s good to get a feel for where exactly in the house you’ll clench your teeth every time you walk by.

Note: This would also strike the agent as odd. But considering you didn’t come in through the front door, this probably wouldn’t surprise the agent.

3. Rearrange the furniture

It’s one thing to bring a tape measure and measure a room, or sort of mentally picture your own furniture in the house. But it’s another to really get a feel for how it would look if things were set up the way you are envisioning.

Furniture is furniture. Everyone has pretty much the same stuff anyway. So shift the furniture around the way you’d like it and get a feel for how it will be once you get these owners out and you in.

Note: Real estate agents love hearing buyers talk about where they would put their own stuff. It’s a good sign someone is really interested. At the same time, nobody in their right mind moves someone’s furniture around. So this will simultaneously excite, befuddle, and aggravate the agent.

4. Cook a meal

While the agent is moving the furniture back to the proper place, go into the kitchen and quickly rummage through the fridge to see what you can cobble together for dinner.

Don’t get bogged down on there being nothing in the house to eat. Remember, this is to get a feel for how it will really be to live in the house on a daily basis.

Grab the pots, pans, and utensils you need as fast as you can. The agent is going to be in any second to put a stop to this. So there is an absolute need to do this as fast as possible. This will serve as a good way of getting a feel for the rush to get dinner done on a typical day.

If this strikes you as too burdensome, just rifle through the drawers to find the messy pile of take-out menus. Every house has that drawer and that pile as well…

Note: While you are cooking you may discover that the faucet leaks, or certain cabinet doors don’t close right. You can do one of two things.

1. Ignore it, since that is most likely what you will do once you own the house.

2. Practice saying, “It was that way when we bought the house.” This will give you practice for what to say when you go to sell the house, and it will seem more acceptable to you when the current owner tells you that same thing during ntions.

5. Use the bathroom

As you’re cooking, you’ll hear the agent running in from having put the furniture back in order to put a stop to this.

Grab the newspaper you brought. Fold it and tuck it under your arm. Head to the bathroom. Close the door.

This is a good way to avoid having conversations you want to avoid. But expect the agent (or whoever you end up living with in the house once you own it) to try and discuss things with you through the door.

At this point, the agent may be pretty concerned with you and yelling at you through the door.

You could simply open the door and come out.

Or, you can say that you don’t hear him or her over the noise of the fan.

Or simply ask, “What’s a 5 letter word that begins with ‘w’ and ends with ‘d’? The hint is ‘Another word for odd’. This crossword puzzle is killing me.”

Note: This is an important room to test out. Statistically, people use the bathroom 6-7 times per day. According to research, men spend 1 hour and 40 minutes per week on the toilet. Women 1 hour and 20 minutes. I’m not citing sources… Google it if you want. But finish this article first.

6. Perform magic in the bedroom

At this point, there is a good chance the agent is off calling his or her manager… or the police. But you haven’t even checked out the bedroom yet.

If you can manage to, you wanna get by the agent, into the bedroom, and then close the door.

As the agent pounds on the door and asks, “What exactly do you think you’re doing in there?!”…

… calmly reply, “I’m pulling a rabbit out of a hat! This is where the magic happens, isn’t it? Or is that another room?”

Seriously, don’t do these things at someone else’s home

Kidding aside, it’s quite a privilege to be allowed to walk into someone else’s home.

Treat it with respect.

As importantly, treat the agent at the open house with respect.

Too often people walk into an open house and are rude to (or ignore) the agent who is there. I get it. Nobody wants someone hovering over them or giving them some pushy sales pitch. This creates an invisible wall. A barrier between customers and agents.

Agents are people. Quite often they are good and fun people. Be pleasant. Respect their requests and ways of conducting an open house.

Certainly don’t use this list as an actual to-do list at an open house.

But certainly do use it as a good way to get a conversation started, have some fun, and get to know the agent who could be a great match for you to work with either on the purchase of that house or another one that suits you better.

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Dear Real Estate (A Valentine’s Day Love Letter) https://lightersideofrealestate.com/articles/love-letter-to-real-estate Mon, 03 Nov 2014 19:41:57 +0000 https://lightersideofrealestate.com/?p=1532 Dear Real Estate, Remember when we first got together? People didn’t think we’d last. Maybe they didn’t always say it, but they thought it. “You could do so much better. Why would you be a real estate agent?” “What’s your back-up plan?” “You should get a real job…” I’m sure they were well-intentioned. But I […]

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one-night-stand

Dear Real Estate,

Remember when we first got together? People didn’t think we’d last. Maybe they didn’t always say it, but they thought it.

“You could do so much better. Why would you be a real estate agent?”

“What’s your back-up plan?”

“You should get a real job…”

I’m sure they were well-intentioned. But I ignored them.

There were times, though, when even I wondered if you were worth the chase. You do tend to play hard to get. Not even sure you know you’re that way. But maybe you do. Maybe you just wanted to see how much I really cared.

I’ve come to love and appreciate that about you. If you were too easy, our relationship wouldn’t be so rewarding…and my love and respect wouldn’t be so deep.

Who knows, maybe I’d have scrammed when times got tough.

We jumped right into marriage

I’m glad we jumped right into marriage. If we’d just dated—if I’d kept my options open—we probably wouldn’t be where we are today. Commitment was a good thing.

For better or for worse…

We’ve certainly had our share of worse, right Real Estate? You remember 2005-2010, don’t you? Those were some tough years. You were sluggish. Money was tight. Things just didn’t seem right.

But we stuck it out. And we’re better and stronger because of those years. And I’m sure we’ll go through times like that again. We’ll be OK.

To me, you were never a one night stand

Not just anybody can see the depth of your beauty. Takes a special type. It’s weird how some people look at you like the “love ‘em and leave ‘em” type. You’re not… necessarily. But if that’s how someone treats you, you’re cool with it. The truth is, you’ll love anyone.

And you do. You have millions of lovers. Some new, some old. Some will come and go, some will be with you forever.

Used to bug me. Thought we had something special. But I’ve come to terms with it. I know many will be nothing but a quick fling. They won’t truly love you and will be out the door quickly. Nothing wrong with that. Things happen. Sometimes relationships don’t work.

I’m totally fine sharing you with others. I just hope they love and respect you as much as I do.

They say you’re moody

I get a little defensive when people say you’re in one of your moods. Sure, you have your ups and downs. Who doesn’t?

But it’s not you… it’s them. You’re never going to be perfect to everyone at every moment. Someone’s always gonna have something to say about you. But I dig that you ignore what everyone’s saying and how you just keep on being you.

Don’t get me wrong, I know we’ve had a few spats over the years. But now that I get that you’re not the boss of me, any more than I can tell you what to do or when, we almost never disagree.

But sometimes I wish you wouldn’t go around looking so sexy. Every time I hear people saying how hot Real Estate is right now, I can’t help but to question their motives in my own protective little way.

It’s not about the number of transactions

When I was younger, I never really got what people meant when they’d say that love grows deeper over time. But now I realize it does. It evolves.

I’m not sure about you, but for me, early on it was all about having as many transactions a month as possible. Heck, I was always hoping for multiple transactions in a day!

But the honeymoon is over. It’s not about the quantity for me anymore. It’s about the quality of the transactions. And don’t take that as me saying I’m “settling” for quality… I just yearn for quality more than quantity is all.

(But hey, don’t get me wrong… I’ll take as many quality transactions as I can get! Just sayin’…)

It’s not you, it’s…

There’s a lot of reasons people get angry at each other and break up. With you, I think it’s typically over money issues. Or, about not having enough transactions. They kinda go hand in hand.

You do stress people out.

Dragging you to counselling isn’t gonna work, though. It’s on them to make the relationship work. You couldn’t be more flexible, understanding, or accepting.

Maybe it’d be best if they just spent some quiet alone-time with you.

Real Estate, it’s not you when things are aggravating. It’s not you that causes the stress, the worry, the wasted time, and ups and downs. It’s people that cause these things…

It’s other agents. It’s buyers and sellers. It’s appraisers, attorneys, inspectors, and lenders.

It’s the economy.

It’s how they all interact and affect each other.

But deep down it’s not you, Real Estate.

Over the years, I’ve learned to help people understand you better. Calm them and help them see you for what you are. Help them love you as much as I do and deal with you as you are, not as they want you to be. And ideally, I help them all deal with each other with love and respect and an understanding that we all have a relationship with you, and we all need to get along.

To marry you is to marry your family

To marry you is to marry your whole family… and each and every one of their quirky ways.

Speaking of which, if another one of your relatives says, “You still doin’ Real Estate?” one more time… Don’t they know it’s more than that with us!?

But I’ve learned that it’s important to love them all, even if they are difficult to like at times. But I certainly have my favorites to sit next to at the holidays.

But at times, it seems we’re always around other people…

Alone time, just me and you

Whether it’s clients, inspectors, appraisers, attorneys, or other agents–the family of people it takes for us to get anything done–the busy-ness can get in the way of remembering what it is I love about you.

It’s funny though, isn’t it? When we’re alone, I just can’t wait to be around everyone, anyone…to be busy again. And then the noise, the motion and commotion of it all, gets in the way of seeing you for everything you are and could be.

So, sometimes it’s just plain good to sit down and be alone with you, and let you know I am constantly thinking about you and working on “us”. It’s good for you to know, but more importantly it’s good for me to remember.

And as we ride off into the sunset, I recognize your free spirit, and that’s a good thing.

Because ultimately, your love is meant to be shared with the world. We’re nothing without others.

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